After talking with my future father-in-law for the first time I realized I was no longer ashamed about my mental illness.

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It wasn’t the way I planned it but here I was sitting across from my future father-in-law. He had just flew in from Hilo and was prepared to learn more about me. The good, the bad and the ugly. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was a little nervous, however, I was secure in my decision to be honesty. I had nothing to hide and I wasn’t ashamed of anything I had done in the past. After about an hour of sharing my life story, I started to wonder what was going through his head. Did I scare him with my mental health stories? Is he thinking of how he can stop the wedding?

It felt like a minute before he spoke and when he did I was met with a surprise. He disclosed that he had contacted a few people on Maui, which is where I’m from in hopes of finding out who I was before he met me. I guess you could say he was doing a background check and because of this check he had already known about my issue with depression and my attempts to kill myself. He had known and was shocked that I divulged that piece of my life without prompting. He was impressed by my honesty because I expect he didn’t believe I would share those parts of me. Maybe he thought I would be ashamed of it or that I’d try to sweep it under the rug in hopes of getting his fatherly permission to marry his daughter. Lucky for me I wasn’t ashamed of my mental illness.

Now this doesn’t mean I was always like this or that it was easy to be honest about my mental illness. When I had first been diagnosed with depression I was far from accepting and more then a little ashamed of my perceived weakness. I had grown up believing the Hollywood version of mental illness, which is the uncontrollable individual being strapped down to a gurney. This is the image I grew up with and what I was forced to deal with when I was diagnosed.

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So how did I become unashamed about my mental illness? It took time but in looking back I’ve gathered there were three things I did that helped me overcome the shame.

1. Be honest. When I was first diagnosed with depression I had a hard time accepting that I was dealing with a medical issue and not just a case of the blues. In the beginning I thought I could overcome it through work. I just had to dive into my work, get lost in it and all the sadness would go away. That didn’t happen and until I realized that this was something I couldn’t overcome on my own I was drowning. Luckily I was able to accept my diagnosis and listen to my therapist. Once I was honest with myself about what I had, I could move forward in my recovery.

2. Be prepared. Once the word spread about my mental illness especially after my failed suicide attempts I learned really quickly who would be there to support me. There were many who decided to avoid me and some even asked their children to steer clear but there were just as many who would be there for support. This is just the reality of the situation and the best thing we can do is prepare ourselves for the negative reactions we’ll receive but also remembering that we can’t generalize each positive and negative reaction to the entire world.

3. Be strategically open. One of the first things I learned through therapy was the importance of having a supportive social network. It was great to open up to my therapist but that relationship was just one and I needed more especially during the remainder of the week. So I had to open up to people especially those who were already in my circle of friends. This wasn’t easy because I didn’t know how people would react if I told them about my struggles with depression or my past suicide attempts. There is a chance that conversation could end poorly leaving me in a heap on the floor. Therefore, instead of telling everyone with an ear, I thoughtfully chose to share my struggles with people that were not only close to me but with those who I believed would be supportive.

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Being unashamed isn’t easy but when you’re honest, prepared and open you will find yourself on that path. In the end, the world is not yet accepting of individuals with mental illness. I’m not sure how far away we are to living in a shame free world but until then, I and many others have to be unwavering in our openness about mental illness. We will encounter people who will treat us like the plague or blame us for our issues. They may see us as less than but in the end, we need to remember the people who provided a shoulder when were suffering and accepted us for who we are. Remember these experiences so that they diminish the negative ones and give you the strength to be unashamed.

You are not alone in this world. If you think you are I encourage you to watch the video below and ask yourself, “Are you truly alone?”

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Video Credit: WE HAVE APPLES