One of the most enlightening things I learned as a psychology student was the power of thought. Cognitive Behavior Theory is based on the idea that our thoughts, emotions and behavior are all connected.

Here is a model of this theory:

This theory helped me understand that the actions of others isn’t black and white but gray. We can try to judge others based on their actions but we would most likely miss the mark. Without knowing someones thoughts their actions is just a veil covering the truth that lies beneath the surface.

Based on this theory I’ve decided to start a series of posts called “What Are You Thinking?”. It will consist of the possible thoughts that could be behind a persons actions and feelings. The article will usually be short, possibly comedic and hopefully enlightening. By understanding that there is more then one way of thinking we can cultivate compassion and understanding toward others.

Lets first start off with something simple.

When a parent gets angry (Emotion) and yells (Behavior) at their child for spilling a cup of milk on the floor, which is a situation I think most parents have experienced.

What thoughts could cause someone to be angry in this situation?

1.  I just cleaned the floor a few minutes ago.
2.  I just told her not to spill.
3.  My child is disrespecting me.
4.  I would get spanked if I ever spilled milk on the floor.
5.  She needs to know how to be careful or else she’s going to spill on the rug.
6.  I just came home from work.
7.  I just want to relax already.
8.  Why doesn’t my spouse give her a sealed cup?
9.  Why didn’t I give her a sealed cup?
10.  If I don’t get mad she won’t listen to what I have to say.

What thoughts could help someone feel and act differently with this situation?

1. She didn’t mean to spill it.
2. I don’t have to yell at her because she already looks sorry.
3. Luckily it’s the floor and not the rug.
4. How can I teach her not to spill?
5. I’m going to switch her cup for a covered one.
6. She’s still young and learning how to do things.
7. I probably did things like this as a kid.
8. How would I want to be treated if I was a kid?
9. If I get mad at her she’ll be afraid of making mistakes.
10. Cleaning up the mess won’t take long.

If you have any suggestions of other thoughts that could cause someone to get angry or help change the situation, please leave a comment.