My wife is at the very final lap of her pregnancy and like runners at the end of a race her body is begging for relief. As her best friend and husband I anguish in my seat as I watch her go through the birth process. I hate seeing her suffer. Whenever she yelps in pain from her ligaments stretching or her nerve being pinched I can’t help but feeling useless.

Reflecting on this feeling I am reminded of my days playing high school football as a offensive lineman. In football everyone has a job to do and usually if one person misses an assignment the whole team suffers. As an offensive lineman your job is to protect the quarterback and open up creases for the running backs. You don’t get much glory but there is no better feeling then to see the success of your teammates as you do your job. This is similar to supporting someone who is pregnant. You can’t have the baby. That isn’t your position but you can do your job and when you do it correctly you’ll find joy in supporting your partner.

What can you do to support someone who is pregnant?

1.  Check In – Before someone is pregnant they are usually fully capable of doing simple things that we take for granted like household chores. When someone is pregnant you may assume that it’s easy for them to wash the dishes and fold the clothes. This assumption can get you into hot water and could make life a little harder on her then it needs to be. So during this pregnancy I will check in periodically to make sure how she is feeling and if a task I assume is easy may at that moment may cause her needless physical stress. This doesn’t mean pregnant women are helpless. They’re not. My wife is quite capable and willing to do everything but that isn’t the point. By checking in you are giving them the opportunity to access their current physical state and allow them the choice to either engage in the physical activity or not. In addition, you also score brownie points by showing that you care. Brownie points only count when it’s genuine .

2.  Let Them Sleep – Based on my wife’s perspective being pregnant really drains your energy. This can result in stress when you have two other children that are draining her reservoir constantly and because of this I’ve tried to stay home from work when possible. This has given her the opportunity to take naps during the day while I wrestle with the kids. These naps have not only given her more energy but has helped her find more joy with the kids when they need their mommy fix. So if possible try and give her time to sleep.

3.  Birth Plan – In football coaches create unique game plans for each individual opponent that they play depending on the their strengths and weakness. Every scenario and solution is considered for every type of play the coaches want to run. Through practice players are able to visualize their role in every play and create muscle memory so that actions are instinctive. This is no different in giving birth. A plan is needed especially for the person who is the designated supporter because when the last stage of birth occurs you are the one that needs to keep their cool. The person giving birth will need to focus her attention on breathing through the pain. A plan can consist of big things like do you want to have a epidural or smaller issues like making sure to bring your phone/camera. By creating a plan you are able to ease any anxiety that can occur especially for those women that are giving birth for the first time. Furthermore as a supporter you are able to understand your role and why your important in the birth process.

These are just a few things I do to support my wife during her pregnancy. I know that there are probably more things I could do. So please share what you think people like me can do to support their loved ones through the birth process.