Instead of looking for the good things our children do we search for the chinks in their armor, which is something I’m ashamed of doing. So in response to this I’ve decided to focus on the positive by writing down the awesome things my children do. By recording this on the blog I hope to keep it as a reminder that my children have the potential of not only being good but awesome.
Aloha, Mālama and Kuleana
While heading back home from grandma’s house, my daughter and I had our usual discussions. Led by my 5 year old of course. Her voice was full of excitement as she recounted her kindergarten experience. She happily went over the numbers and words she used. She even talked to me seriously about the dangers of having a house fire. “Daddy, we need to have a meeting. A family meeting.” I nod in amusement. “You know daddy. We need to talk about what to do when we have a fire in the house. I’m serious.” This conversation went on for a few minutes as we went through various scenarios that we could face in the event of a house fire. Finally she asked me, “Daddy. Can I ask you a question?” I say sure and wait for her waterfall of words but instead I got a calm and detailed description of a bullying experience she had at the playground that day.
Here is a brief account of that conversation:
“Daddy. I saw a girl get picked on today.”
“What happened?”
“Two kids were pulling at this girls shirt.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know but I knew they weren’t showing Aloha, Mālama, Kuleana.”
“So what did you do?”
“I told them to stop because that wasn’t nice.”
“What did they do?”
“They kept doing it?”
“What did you do?”
“I asked them again and they still didn’t listen. So I did what my kumu taught me and told a teacher. Was that a good thing daddy?”
After she shared that story I couldn’t help but be proud. What she had done was not only great but awesome. At such a young age she had shown courage and stood up for someone else. After a few more questions I found out that she didn’t even know who the girl was being bullied. She didn’t even know the bullies. Her courage impressed me as I recounted times when I haven’t been brave enough to stop others from being bullied. I’d always be worried that the bullies would turn on me but unlike me she wasn’t thinking about consequences of doing what was right. She just knew she had to do it because she had been taught that picking on or making fun of someone else is wrong. I’d like to think that my wife and I taught her this lesson but I know that her preschool teachers at Kamehameha have been a strong influence on her moral values. Another reason why good teachers are important in the lives of our children.
During her preschool year at Kamehameha she was taught three values, which was aloha, mālama and kuleana. Here is a simple definition of these Hawaiian values:
Aloha: Compassion
Mālama: Care For
Kuleana: Responsibility
These values have become her north star when she makes decisions. There are countless times when she will make a decision and ask me if she had shown one of these three values. Always hoping to learn how she can live these values I want to make it a point to encourage her by giving positive feedback when she does act on these values. Now I don’t mean rewarding her for every little thing she does but I do think it’s important to point out when she has done something right especially at her current age.
At any age her actions make her pretty incredible.
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