Some of us are lucky to have one mother and for others  they are blessed to have many.

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In honor of Mother’s Day I’ve decided to write a post about the three most important women in my life. These women have shaped who I am and in their own way taught me what it means to be a good father. In no specific order here is the most important Mothers in my life.

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1. Grandma

What can I say about my grandmother? She raised me for a substantial part of my life and was one of the bright spots of my childhood. If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have any manners. She taught me what it meant to be respectful and kind. I was spoiled by her, which in hindsight wasn’t a good thing but that was her way of showing that she cared.

One of my first memories of her was when she shielded me from an argument that was occurring in the kitchen late one night. My grandfather was yelling at my uncle and it sounded heated. I had woken up from all the yelling and as I  sleepily approached the kitchen, fear gripped me as I froze in terror. I didn’t know what to do as I heard every curse word and threat wielded back and forth. Then with a gentle touch on my shoulder I found myself carried away by my grandmother as she hurried me into the bedroom. The fight was still happening when I was trying to sleep and I may have stayed up all night if it wasn’t for my grandmother who always made me feel safe. Like nothing could touch me not even the anger in the kitchen.

Her impact cannot be exaggerated and there is many things I could share but the one thing she taught me that has changed my life was that I had potential. For most of my life I’ve felt inadequate and if it wasn’t for my grandmother I wouldn’t have had any confidence. She was one of the first and sometimes only voices that made me feel worthy of life. That I was more then just a kid that needed to be seen and not heard. She gave me hope that I could be better then my father and grandfather. That I didn’t have to repeat history because I was different. Without her belief in me I may never had succeeded in high school and instead I could have dabbled in drugs to ease the pain. Luckily her love was an antidote for me to steer away from the temptations I could have participated in to mask my issues.

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2. Mom

My mother is one of the toughest women, no toughest person I know. She once had a long fish hook cut through her palm. It was in one side of her palm and out the other. She didn’t cry or freak out, which is what I’d probably do. She just went to the doctor and had it removed. No fuss.

She is not afraid to speak her mind whether you want her to or not. If she feels a certain way she’ll let you know about it. Now her willingness to speak up isn’t something she was born with from what I gather it was something she learned from being married to my father. After years of being married she developed a no bull shit type of personality because it was something she needed to survive.

When I think about the impact that my mother had on my life I can’t help but remember the day she made one of the biggest sacrifices I think a mother can make for her child. When I was in the 7th grade my parents decided they were going to move to Hana, which is on the other side of where my grandparents lived on the island of Maui. Now even though it’s not a large island like New Zealand or Australia it still is a pretty far distance away especially when the drive is so dizzying.

The thought of leaving my grandparents who at the time were like parents to me was scary. I didn’t want to move with my family because I really didn’t feel safe with them. My father was into drugs and I didn’t want that life but what could I do. He wouldn’t listen to my pleas and he was famous for saying, “Family stick together”. So I did the only thing I could, I prayed.

Now by some divine intervention my mother decided on her own without prompting to ask my father if I could stay back and live with my grandparents. To her and my shock he agreed and because of that choice my life would forever be changed. Instead of suffering through many of the hardships my family went through I was blessed to have a stable home to grow up in. Without my mother’s willingness to let me go, which I can assume was a hard decision I’d never be where I am now.

Thanks mom.

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3. Honey

Now last but certainly not least my wife of ten years. The mother of my three beautiful daughters, she is the most important woman in my life. Before we were married we were best friends and because of that she knew the majority of my secrets like my past history with mental illness and my colorful family. Unlike others who might have been scared off of a man who dealt with depression and tried to commit suicide she could only see the man before her. The man that had overcome his past and carried with him a brighter future.

Without judgment she looked past my weaknesses and had a supreme belief in who I was. She like my grandmother believed in my potential to do good and to be successful in whatever I pursued. Even when I’ve failed to live up to her faith in me she has never responded to my mistakes with anger. For the most part I’ve been met with love and compassion, which has made me want to be better.

I know my life has been altered because of our relationship. I wouldn’t have done quite as well in college or even tried to get a Master’s degree if she hadn’t believed in my intelligence. Her faith in me has been the fuel that drives my journey to reach the stars but her example as a parent is what has had the greatest affect in my life.

Growing up I promised myself that I would be a better father then my dad. I wasn’t going to be the angry  man he was. I was going to be loving and understanding. I thought that’s the type of father I was going to be because I knew what not to do. I’d learn quickly how hard it is to be a parent and when the usual stress from kids occur I found myself doing things that reminded me of my father.

I found myself angry all the time and with every supposed defiant act I took it personally. It seemed disrespectful and I wasn’t going to stand for any mistake they made. I was their father and they needed to know who was the boss. This type of mindset didn’t allow me to find compassion or to even talk calmly with my children. What’s worse is that I knew I was acting like my father and I didn’t know how to snap out of it. I didn’t know how to parent the way I wanted to.

Luckily my wife was a great example of what it means to be a loving but strong parent. She showed me how to scold and discipline our children without losing my temper. She taught me about timeouts and taking time to gather myself before teaching my children what they did wrong. Her parenting skills has not only changed my life but the lives of our children and that I am eternally grateful for.

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Having a grandmother, mother and wife are all important people in an individuals life. It was in mine and I’m grateful for their influence on the man I am and will become. If you have women in your life who have affected you for good I encourage you to take the time to say thank you because you never know when that chance will expire.

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Pic Credit: Flickr/bluebyers