Cause No Harm

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During my first suicide attempt I was convinced that everyone would be better off without me. That my death wouldn’t cause anyone pain. I was so consumed by my negative thoughts that I couldn’t see the the truth. I couldn’t accept the fact that the lives of the people close to me wouldn’t be better off. They would move on at some point but their lives would have been forever darkened because of my actions. They wouldn’t have been able to say their last goodbyes to me or mend any fences that needed to be fixed. I would have taken away their opportunity for closure.

Since then I’ve been blessed to have gotten married and through that union create three beautiful daughters. Their spirits have helped me keep those dark thoughts at bay as I remind myself of the harm I would cause them if I were to take my life without notice.

I remind myself quickly when thoughts of suicide pop into my brain that I will not accept the false belief that my death would cause no harm. Suicide does cause harm to the person attempting it and to those who love him or her. I’ve seen the affect it has when the attempt hasn’t been successful. I watched as my grandparents worried faces sat across from me in the psych ward. Their concern a reminder of how much people do care and how clouded your mind gets when struggling with depression.

For me suicide isn’t an answer because of the harm it would cause. Harm that only occurs because people care about you, which is a fact I will forever use when those negative thoughts try to steer me into the wrong direction.

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Pic Credit: Flickr/dank1012