Cloudy Nights

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It’s about 8:00 pm and the moon is out. Sitting under a small tree, I embrace the silence. Loud laughter can be heard a few feet away from me as I watch the light from the kitchen window reveal the friends that I just had dinner with. I was tuckered out from all the conversation and so I sat there on that cool night contemplating my future.

It had a been a month or so after my last suicide attempt. I wasn’t sure where my life was headed but at the time it didn’t seem like I was going anywhere good. I had just thrown a monkey wrench into my life plans. If it wasn’t for the suicide attempt I would still be on my church mission and maybe my plans on marrying my girlfriend would still be in sight. Instead I had returned home early and with no prospects of marriage.

Life for me as a young man seemed hopeless. What did I have to look forward to? There didn’t seem to be any bright side or light at the end of the tunnel. As I sat there living in misery I started to say a silent prayer. I tried to imagine my Heavenly Father sitting alongside me as I asked for guidance. While sitting there in prayer I noticed the ground around me grow dimmer. The light from the kitchen window had been turned off and the clouds blocked out the moonlight. Something told me to look up as I watched the clouds slowly move pass the moon revealing it’s light. It was as if a lightbulb went off in my head as I was enlightened about my current state.

That night I realized that the bleak and bad days are no different than the clouds that block out the moonlight. When times are tough it can feel like there is no way out of that situation. During those days you can easily feel confused and loss in the darkness of those moments, however, just as the clouds will naturally move and reveal the light so will our dark days end. If we have faith that they’ll reappear and standup to our mortal doubts we will be blessed to learn that life does turnaround.

It did for me as I withstood the hard times that awaited after that night and found myself standing in the light of some of the best years of my life. It hasn’t been easy after that night under the tree. I’ve had some of the highest highs and lowest lows. I’ve accomplished things I had never imagined I could while also failing at many other things I thought I would have found success in.

Life can kick you in the teeth but if we can bear through those cloudy nights I’m sure we’ll find ourselves standing in the light.

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Pic Credit: Flickr/Paul Bailey