For context, this poem was inspired during the low days of living away from home. What do you do when you don’t feel the sand between your toes or smell the fragrance of the ocean? How do you find your place when the environment rejects you? This poem is a day in the life of a Hawaiian finding his way through the pristine and the desolation of college.

Gourd Half Full

Ancestral blood flowing through marrow

Smudges of Pele linger on the soles of feet

Mochiko powder lives within the creases of a grandfather’s aloha shirt

Do I belong on this pristine campus?

Where the youthful chatter of bodies free from parental yokes

Share untainted aspirations and dreams that appear to be

A stone’s throw away

Young spirits feverishly hunger for new

I want to join the crowd and scream “GO COUGS”

But no syllable is uttered

While choking on the new

A homemade gourd half-full

Has no room

“Your gourd is unique but not enough in this academic world”

And in its place

A shiny hydro flask bought brand-new 

Do I belong on this desolate campus?

Where the elements peel at my skin

Creating scars that never go away

Returning home from a desert

I drop my burdens

And fall into five tiny pairs of arms

The smell of boiling shoyu welcomes me

And like Maui’s fishhook

It catches home

Not just a place that physically exists

But where the bones of my ancestors await

Where roosters roam and shoes live outside the home

Home

Why did I ever leave?

Digging into hot steaming rice

Sharing stories

We honor our journeys

I pick out the highs

Kids should believe they can fly

Beds welcome their guests as the pattering of little feet fall still

Silence allows for embers of adult conversations to breath

Igniting doubt and fear

Making the living room a hard place to breath

Burdens strewn across the floor

I sluggishly head upstairs to wash off before

Water massages

Relaxing tense shoulders from invisible weights carried all day

Water breaths

Flushing lungs damaged by breathing constricting and inflaming ac 

Regenerating spirit that need to be maintained

A still voice floats within her mist

Whispering at first but building in strength

I ku mau mau

I ku wa

Voices traveling from past and within

Have come to clean wounds and mend bones for the battle ahead

I ku mau mau

I ku wa

My voice joins the chorus, and we sing for all to come

With every word chanted thump, a pahu drum

A call to Hawaiians whose branches has fallen

Provide nutrients to lengthen my roots

That they may hold strong

As the storms of academia

Try to knock me down

Do I belong?

That question lingers for a second, but I move on

Feet moving forward with eyes looking back

Ancestors speak

“Chant”

I listen to their voices as I stroll down the halls

Their voices grow stronger when I allow

Naʻau needs to lead when eyes are occupied

By the pristine and desolation of college life

Trust in the stories that live within sinew and bone

Their tattooed by generations that wait to welcome you home

Now carry your gourd and send the flask home

I ku mau mau!

I ku wa!!