It took a little over a month for me to rewrite this poem. I was asked to read it during a conference and because of that I had to look it over to make sure I felt the same way. Did the poem still speak to me? It didn’t take long to realize I wanted to trim and plant a few things. After divulging the fact that my reading was a new version of the original, someone asked why I had made those changes.

Wasn’t sure how to answer them at first so I leaned into the first thing that popped into my mind. “I canʻt read my work without wanting to change it.” Itʻs something I continuously fight against, the dreaded editor that lives in every writers mind. But as I took a some time to sink into the question a quote surfaced.

While searching for the meaning of moʻolelo for my dissertation, I stumbled upon a wonderful book titled, “Voices of Fire”, written by kuʻualoha hoʻomanawanui. In this book, a sentence stood out to me, “Thus, the more mana (versions) a mo‘olelo has, the more mana (power) it has as well—living, surviving, adapting, and thriving with the Lāhui.” (p. 50)

Why write another version?

Maybe I’m breathing life into my poem until someone else comes along to take a piece and graft it into their own work or maybe I just felt like it.

A Gourd Half Full

Ancestral blood flowing through marrow

Smudges of Pele linger on the soles of my feet

Mochiko powder inhabit the creases of grandfathers’ red aloha shirt

And strapped around my right shoulder

Is my gourd

Half full

Ready to be filled

Do I belong on this pristine campus?

Where youthful chatter of bodies free from parental yokes

Share untainted aspirations and dreams that appear

Just a stone’s throw away

I want to join the crowd and scream “GO COUGS”

But no syllable is uttered

I can’t

Cause while everyone is cheering

I’m choking on the new

My homemade gourd

Half-full

Has no room

A professor critiques

“Your gourd is unique but not enough in this academic world”

And in its place

A shiny hydro flask

Bought brand-new

But empty

Not even half full

Do I belong on this desolate campus?

Where water isn’t free

Where harsh elements peel at my skin

Peeling

Creating scars that never go away

Just so my skin fits in

Returning home from the desert

I drop my burdens at the door

And fall into five tiny hugs

The smell of boiling shoyu

Welcomes me

And like Maui’s fishhook

Catches home

Home

Why did I ever leave?

Digging into hot steaming rice

Sharing stories

I articulate a hero’s journey

Because kids need to believe they can fly

Beds welcome their guests as the pattering of little feet fall still

Silence allows for embers of adult conversations to spark

Igniting doubt and fear

Making the living room a hard place to breath

Burdens strewn across the floor

I sluggishly head upstairs to wash off before

Water massages

Tense shoulders from required readings

Waters breath

Flushes lungs damaged by approved processed air

Water regenerates

A spirit that needs to be maintained

Then a still small voice

Floats within the mist

A whisper at first but builds in strength

I ku mau mau

I ku wa

Voices traveling from past and within

Have come to clean wounds and mend bones for the battles ahead

I ku mau mau

I ku wa

My voice joins the chorus, and we sing for all to come

With every word chanted

Thump!

A pahu drum

A call to Hawaiians whose branches has fallen

Provide nutrients to lengthen my roots that they may hold strong

As the storms of academia try to uproot

Do I belong?

That question lingers for a second

But I move on

Feet moving forward with eyes looking back

Ancestors speak, “Chant”

I listen to their voices as I stroll down the halls

Their voices grow stronger

If I allow

Naʻau needs to lead when eyes are occupied

By the pristine and desolation of college life

Trust our stories

It’s tattooed within your sinew and bone

Our knowledge may not be in print

But it exists

Because you were born

Now carry that gourd over your right shoulder

It’s still half full

And send that pristine flask back home

Maybe with some water to

I ku mau mau!

I ku wa!!